Embracing the Crone Archetype
Grandma. Hag. Crone.
Throughout our lives, we receive names or are given labels based on age or our role. But for post-menopausal women, these names or labels start to take on a negative connotation. It hasn’t always been this way. We use “hag” now to mean an ugly, old woman, but it was once used to describe a wizened older woman or a goddess. “Crone”, similarly, has its roots in the crown, and before that, a halo.
My kids refer to older women as “grandmas” and I bristle thinking that they’ve come down to one identifier for women of a certain perceived age. I try to challenge their belief that not all older women are, by literal definition, grandmothers, and even if they are - they are so much more than that one singular identifier. I’ve offered my kids other options such as “elderly”, “older”, or “elder”, but honestly, those don’t always sound or feel right either.
It doesn’t just boil down to semantics (although that is a big part of it). The reality is, no matter what you call an older woman, it’s likely to sound offensive because we are part of a society that is built on a foundation of ageist beliefs.
Newsflash: No one wants to lose their collagen, connective tissue, muscle mass, or bone density. No one wants to experience hormonal changes, neuropathy, or word-finding difficulties.
As a society, we are so obsessed by the losses that come with growing older, we can’t fathom there being positive gains. So what do we do? We keep all-things-aging at an arm's length distance in our minds and conversations and if we are bold enough to talk about them, we do so negatively.
Historically, women have been feared for their power and, in many spaces, this is still the case. I’ve spent much time in thought trying to understand the line of thinking that’s gotten us to this youth-obsessed period in time and this is what I’ve come up with:
Women are a threat to patriarchal societies, and the older and wiser a woman becomes, the more of a threat she is >> In turn, patriarchal societies have combatted this by glamourizing younger, less threatening women >> Which brings us all to the conclusion that younger = better agree
And, while I hate to be the bearer of bad news, the belief system that “younger is better “ (and perpetuation of it) hurts men, too, and leaves them grappling with the same question, “What place do I have in society as I age?”.
The fact is, all “isms” hurt all people.
So how can we support all people, but especially women, to come into their power as they age?
I love and appreciate the perspective and wisdom provided by authors like Clarissa Pinkola Estes, who in The Power of the Crone, reminds us that even as we experience appropriate biological and developmental changes as we age, our essence remains intact.
What does that mean, exactly? Well, during different times in our lives, our spirituality, sexuality, creativity, family, work, and laughter may look vastly different. Still, these things are no less important (or less satisfying and desirable) as we grow older. Pinkola, and other leaders in this space, encourage us to think about how to nurture these areas of our lives as they shift and change. They remind us that, while it’s inevitable that we become altered by age and life experiences, it’s empowering that we get to choose how we embrace them.
If we look closely, the Crone is the penultimate example of what we want to be. She is wise, worldly, and accomplished. She has built a community, family, and career. She has waded through many trials, dilemmas, and losses in life and, through those experiences, likely holds the answer to the questions younger people are grappling with now.
I identify as a proud “Cronette”, and I am eager to embody the wisdom I see in older women. I have immersed myself in the study of growing older because, as it is inevitable, I plan to do it well.
Am I still challenged by “oughts” and “shoulds” ingrained in me by our ageist society - yes! In reality, for every woman that I see who has fully accepted themselves and chosen to live boldly and colorfully despite societal norms - 50 messages are telling me that aging is “bad” and something I should resist.
I’m working to shed those harmful beliefs, heal my mindset, and buffer the inundation of this ageist message and I challenge you to as well. Let’s collectively surround ourselves with women willing to embrace aging, women who embody authentic love and acceptance of themselves, and women who can help us find peace and contentment as we get older.
Let’s call on the Crones.
Are you a postmenopausal woman interested in exploring the Crone phase of life in a safe, supportive setting? Join our small group that begins on March 18th.
