How to Cope with Loneliness As You Age
As a mental health therapist for older adults, the topic of self-isolation has been a recurring theme in sessions. Navigating a global pandemic certainly heightened isolation for most older adults, but even when removing that factor, my clients who live alone or are caregiving are finding themselves more and more isolated over the years and, as a result…more lonely.
Yes, we can’t talk about isolation without talking about loneliness, and we can’t talk about loneliness without acknowledging pain. Did you know that research indicates the physiological effects of isolation or being socially isolated can be as detrimental to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day?
If you have ever experienced social isolation, you probably understand how the absence of hugs and close contact with friends and family leaves an emptiness and longing that can feel insatiable. As humans, we are wired for connection - and the absence of it can be heartbreaking.
As painful and heartbreaking as isolation may be, there is also a tendency to become guarded when we feel lonely. We’re tempted to push away the pain fearing that, if we feel its depths, we might just break. To cope, we fall into numbing or unhealthy patterns like binge-watching Netflix shows, scrolling mindlessly through social media, or turning to alcohol to settle anxious thoughts.
What we fail to realize is that, is impossible to selectively suppress just negative emotions. So, when we suppress pain…we also suppress joy.
So, what can aging adults do to combat self-isolation and loneliness? Below, I’ve outlined 10 practical and therapeutic strategies. They are what I consider to be antidotes to the pain of loneliness.
10 Strategies to Cope with Loneliness (and combat self-isolation) As You Age
Allow your heart to crack open. Play music that evokes passion. Write a creative story where you are the protagonist on a grand adventure. Make a list of your most exciting desires. Read love poems that stir the depths of your emotions (my favorite is Love Poems from God: Twelve Sacred Voices from the East and West, by Daniel Landinsky).
Find your favorite physical resources. A weighted blanket, body pillow, or pets in your bed are sometimes the next best thing to another human body and have all been proven to increase oxytocin levels (your feel-good hormone) and lower cortisol levels (your stress hormone).
Find virtual connection that sparks joy. Use Zoom to video call family and friends to chat about life, or discuss books or movies together. Organize a virtual game night, attend an on-demand symphony, attend a free brain and body movement class through Wake Forest’s IMPROVment® program.
Choose a new activity or hobby. Some activities or hobbies will require social interaction while other creative pursuits require solitude which can help create meaning to your isolation. The sky's the limit when it comes to choosing a new activity or hobby, but a few ideas include photography, genealogy, joining a walking or traveling group or book/board game club.
Get involved with something bigger than yourself. Volunteering or getting involved in your local community in other ways can bring so much joy. Get to know your elected officials, take an online class, inquire with your church or community center on volunteer events.
Go to the woods. Spending time in nature can nourish the soul in unique ways. Discover the practice of Forest Bathing, using all of your senses to be fully present in your surroundings. Make a date with a friend for a picnic lunch at your favorite green space or garden. Take up trail walking.
Share yourself with others. You have gifts, talents, and skills that others want to know about. Finding opportunities to share these things, along with your personality, can be extremely meaningful while also boosting your self-esteem and self-worth.
Learn from the past. There is so much to learn from others who have forged this path of isolation before us. Both astronauts and Buddhist monks have discovered that there are two antidotes to loneliness: a structured day and a practice of mindfulness. Try organizing your day into intentional blocks of time, and don’t dwell on the negative.
Leveraging unique therapeutic resources. There are therapeutic resources that you can learn about online: self hugs, EFT tapping for loneliness, lovingkindess (or metta) meditation, shaking and moving your body, and mindful self-compassion are all proven ways to calm your mind and body while also helping you gain a sense of community.
Individual or group therapy. Talking with a therapist or participating in a group therapy session can help combat loneliness as you age by offering a safe space to seek emotional support, learn coping strategies, and socialize. Therapy can be an excellent forum to express feelings and develop resilience, making it easier to handle or combat loneliness. Group therapy offers the added benefit of being in community with others who are in similar seasons of life or life circumstances.
While none of the strategies above can replace the feeling of holding a family member in your arms, or the sound of laughter filling your house, they are resources that can help you mitigate the feelings of loneliness as you age and add deep, joyful meaning to your life.
If you would like to explore this topic more in individual therapy with me or inquire about upcoming groups for aging adults, don’t hesitate to contact me here.
